That's the thing about Beowulf: people can't fully make up their
minds what to think of him. He's no more a saint than he is a monster,
and anyone who accuses him to his face of being "evil," they have no
answer when he challenges them, "You try living the way I do and see how
long you last."
Most people in Beowulf's situation would be a total wreck within just a few months, if not a few days, or even hours.
Beowulf is the first to admit when he's guilty, but then again, it's plain enough how much worse he can be and yet he chooses of his own accord to not go there. That requires no small amount of self-control.
He
can't decide whether it's worse to be hunted down or left entirely
alone. He's well accustomed to being alone...but he still doesn't like
it.
For all his marvelous and terrifying
adventures, he goes for many years without a family or a place to call
"home." He's like a leaf blowing in the wind, or a drifting ship without
an anchor or any trace of shore in sight.
The anime Ringing Bell makes
me think of him. For those of you who don't know, it's about a young
lamb who loses his mother and learns to be more like a wolf...with the
very wolf who killed his mother as his tutor. Quite complicated, to say
the least.
I won't spoil the ending, but
there's an utterly heart-wrenching line that fits Beowulf perfectly,
especially when he's first transformed and his whole family is killed
off: "But I'm still alive! Where do I go now?"
Be forewarned if you watch the anime: it's as depressing as all heck.
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At
least Beowulf's story is a bit more uplifting than that, given how he
meets Terence and becomes his most devoted ally, and how Reid wins him
over many years later. If not for Terence, Beowulf would have
become a complete villain, sooner or later. He would have been okay if
he hadn't met Reid, but Reid sure made those last days all the warmer,
far more pleasant and far less lonely.
Loving the Lactantiuses (and receiving their love in exchange) was truly his saving grace.