Well, this has certainly been a memorable Memorial Day, for reasons both bad and good. I start with “bad” due to my mom being officially diagnosed with diabetes and staying in the hospital a lot longer than any of us have anticipated and I’m staying home and looking after my younger siblings, with my big sister Christine providing plenty of help. Even when Mom does get out of that hospital, life won’t ever be the same; we’ll all have to really watch what we eat and take better care of ourselves.
And it’s been a wild emotional ride for me, by far the roughest patch I’ve been through since losing my dad ten years earlier. (As irony would have it, he died on June 2, mere days from now.) I’ve been so scared and confused and upset, trying to hope for the best but unable to help fearing the worst. The worst part is when I have to wait for the doctors’ official confirmation; even hearing that Dad was dead, as horrible as it was, was better than being kept in suspense with my imagination going crazy. We still don’t know when Mom will be able to come home and I already know things won’t be as they were when she does.
And now I move onto the “good” part of today. I’ve been incredibly blessed these last few days with no lack of support from family and friends and our North Park ward family. This is the strongest I’ve felt the Holy Spirit in quite some time, and I’ve finally become more motivated to read the scriptures on a daily basis, something I never really made a solid habit. It’s safe to say I would never be able to get through something like this without God’s help and the kind service of others. There’s no way I would have gotten through Dad’s loss otherwise.
I’ve expressed a wish several times (an understatement) that Dad could somehow be here during this hard time with Mom. I already know he’s here in spirit but a part of me still longs to have him here to talk to and hug. You all know how that is, that clash between your logical and sentimental self—your mind knows better but your heart protests just the same. And while we know how to get by without Mom at the house, that doesn’t stop me from feeling like a little girl who just wants her mommy back.
A song I’ve listened to really stands out to me:
“My peace I give unto you.
It’s a peace that the world cannot give.
It’s a peace that the world cannot understand.
Peace to know, peace to live,
My peace I give unto you.”
How true that is. Absolutely nothing compares to the Savior’s grace and nothing makes you feel better like the Holy Ghost, even if your situation isn’t immediately resolved or resolved in the way you’d hoped.
We still have a long way to go. There’s no telling what tomorrow will bring, or the next day. But I feel motivated enough to take another step forward and another. I’m really trying to focus more on the Savior on the water than on the raging storm around us.
And I know it’s not enough, but thank you to everyone who has reached out to me and my family and provided wonderful heartfelt service. It means a whole lot more than you realize.
