Why I Hate the Disney Remakes

It's no secret that I'm nuts about Disney.

It's also no secret that I'm not nuts about the live-action remakes they've been cranking out lately, and will most likely crank out for years to come.

 

It's a pretty safe bet that they're gonna do them all.

And why wouldn't they? They've got a good thing going! These movies are bringing in a shipload of money, and folks are always so eager to see how real life compares to the cartoon.

It's like a reincarnation of the Disney Renaissance.

I totally get it: you need money to keep your company alive and well.

Sometimes (as much as I hate to say this) you must sacrifice a bit of artistic integrity if it brings in the dough. Look at Twilight and 50 Shades of Grey: it's (almost) universally agreed that the books are among the worst-written in the world, but look how many copies the authors have sold. I could pay off my medical insurance for the entire year, and pay all of my college debts in full, with less than half that much.

And there's a whole slew of Star Wars movies coming out the yin-yang, and everybody loves Star Wars, right?

My cousin Amber, the one who lets me stay at her house and take care of her dogs from time to time, is a certified Star Wars geek. But during my most recent visit, even she had to admit that they're milking the franchise dry. When she went to see Solo a little while back, she absolutely hated it.

She and I agreed that we can only take so many stories; we only want so much information on each individual character, and the light saber duels and Apocalyptic explosions can only provide so much eye candy.

I'll admit it: at least a couple of these remakes from Disney have perked my interest and I figured it couldn't hurt to watch them at least once. When Beauty and the Beast came out, I wanted to check it out mostly because of Emma Watson and Ian McKellen, and I really wanted to see how they would design the Beast.

While the movie wasn't bad, it wasn't that thrilling, either. They made just enough tweaks to save it from becoming a complete carbon copy, but I could see 90% of what was coming a mile away. (Trust me, I never even bothered to count how many times we watched the 1991 movie in my childhood, thanks to my older sister and little brother dominating the TV and VCR.)

Even the songs weren't so different, besides "Evermore" and "How Does a Moment Last Forever." It was just different voices singing the same words.

Overall, enough predictability to make me yawn and go, "Okay, can we move on to something else?"

While it never was one of my favorite movies to begin with, I still say the 1991 cartoon was better.

Although I understand the business part of all these remakes, I also have to admit, they rub me the wrong way as an artist. It puts a sour taste in my mouth to see them recycle one movie after another, to the point where the original movies are starting to lose their magic. They're cheapening what made those cartoons so special to us in our childhood.

 

I also don't appreciate what they've done to the characters, such as making the Grand Duke and King Stefan the bad guys (and Maleficent a tragic victim), or making LeFou more romantically interested in Gaston, or making Kaa a girl just because that story is "too male-oriented." (Give me a break.)

Like the saying goes, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." Yet the guys at Disney have taken it upon themselves to "fix" all of our beloved classics...which isn't necessarily a crime, but feels quite unnecessary all the same.

But you know what I hate the most?

Every time a live-action remake comes out, we have to deal with all these nutty "Disney purists" raising absolute hell over how the remake "should" or "shouldn't" be done.

Take Aladdin, for example.

It has been confirmed that Will Smith will play the Genie, and people are acting like the movie is already ruined (and that their entire childhood has been blown to kingdom come) just because Will Smith couldn't possibly hold a candle to Robin Williams.

To that, I have to say, "Well, DUH. What did you expect?!?"

Will Smith is not Robin Williams. Will Smith is Will Smith, and Will Smith is going to do this Will Smith's way, not Robin Williams's way.

If you don't like it, then pray tell, who would do a better job? How would you do it?

When you're in charge of the movie, you call the shots. And when you're not in charge, you take what you get.

And with The Lion King just around the corner, and that being one of Disney's biggest hits, I've a unpleasant feeling we're in for our bumpiest ride with the purists yet.

In the words of good ol' Charlie Brown:

So yeah, as I said, it's not a crime for Disney to do this. But with every movie they put out, the magic (for me) decreases just a little more. It's as if they have no more original ideas, so they're milking the old ideas for all they're worth, until there's nothing left to squeeze out.

No story can drag on forever.

No story should have to drag on forever, even for the sake of money.

Sooner or later, you will have to officially write the words "THE END"--and stick with them.

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