Book of Mormon Progress - 1 Nephi (9-17)

I've been reading about Nephi's troubles in the wilderness, from the breaking of his bow to his goal to build a ship (that's the part I'm on now), and the sheer grief he gets from his brothers through it all.

I always felt bad for Nephi due to how nasty Laman and Lemuel always were to him. It's easy to resent Laman and Lemuel to no end, but are we much different from them? Sure, we may not threaten our little brothers' lives on an almost daily basis (dark joke), but how are we when times get hard? 

How quick are we to complain and how slow to remember the Lord? 

I've actually been going through a rough patch myself lately. Work has been less than ideal, and I've been trying to find a new job with no luck thus far. Besides that, I've been feeling insecure about the fact that I'm 30 years old and don't have much to show for it. I'm not married, I have no kids, I'm not dating, I have a college degree but a load of college debt as well, I can't drive, I don't have anything published (or anything that's anywhere near ready to publish), I have very few friends (a couple of them have even cut ties with me recently), and I often wonder if anyone really notices or needs me, if I'm really good for anything. Even in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I feel like little more than excessive baggage. Of course, I have no cause to question the Church itself, but now and then I question the contribution I make.

On top of that, my dad is gone, my relationship with my siblings is less than ideal, and several good people I knew have died, like one of my Institute teachers, and my favorite high school teacher. And it's getting ever harder to maintain the Lord's standards in an ever-growing world of sin.

These days, I find myself fluctuating between Laman and Lemuel and Nephi. On one hand, I ask, "Why me? Why is this happening to me? When will it all end? When will things start looking up for me?"

And on the other hand, I ask Nephi's questions, "What can I learn from this? What will the Lord have me do?"

No doubt Nephi had his struggles despite his remarkable show of faith. Even Lehi's complaining indicates that he had his breaking point, too. Sometimes all we can do is be patient, even if being patient is easier said than done.

It's not a matter of whether the Lord will keep His promises and distribute our rightful rewards. It's all a matter of how well we will endure the wait.