Speaking of the Carpenters, I have made "Yesterday Once More" Dad's official song, because it's the song that makes me think of Dad the most. And it's got some rather moving lyrics and a reassuring kind of melody, you know?
A part of me feels a bit cheated. If I'm lucky enough to get married, I wonder who will dance that special dance with me. It's also disappointing to know that Dad's grandkids (he was known as "Pop-Pop") won't know him all that well; Lizzie was only four at the time, and Lucas wasn't even born yet.
But another part of me feels spared. I'm glad I wasn't there when he collapsed onto our living room floor; I really don't think I would have been able to handle it, and I feel bad enough that my mom had to be the one to find him. I didn't have the heart to see him in the hospital, either; I didn't want to have that memory of him as a "hospital puppet." I felt just a bit better about seeing him in a casket than on a hospital bed, surrounded by cold equipment, especially with the knowledge that he wasn't just sleeping.
Knowing he's with both his parents and the siblings he never knew (Grandma Mather lost several babies) makes the whole thing more bearable, too. As much as I wish Dad was still here with me, I don't have the heart to separate him from his family on the other side. I figure heaven only feels like half heaven to him right now.
I proposed to Mom that we should alter this very day from now on. Rather than think of it as "The Day That Dad Died," we should call it "Celebrating Dad's Life Day" from now on. We visited his grave today, of course, and then we had one of his favorite dinners (Shake 'n Bake, mashed potatoes with gravy, and tossed salad, with "Sharkleberry Fin" Kool-Aid) and now we're about to have an "ice cream toast," which is basically ice cream cones that we bump together like drinking glasses.
Well, here's to Dad, and to the day that he (and the rest of the family) will be "back again just like a long-lost friend."
Love you, Dad.
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