BMM 19 - Anything You Can Do

And now little lady, if you'll kindly step up to the parapet,
I'll give you a lesson in marksmanship.​ 

You couldn't give me a lesson in long distance spittin'! 

Anything you can do,
I can do better!
I can do anything
Better than you! 

No, you can't! (Yes, I can!)
No, you can't! (Yes, I can!)
No, you can't! (Yes, I can!)
Yes, I can! 

Anything you can be,
I can be greater!
Sooner or later,
I'm greater than you! 

No, you're not! (Yes, I am!)
No, you're not! (Yes, I am!)
No, you're not! (Yes, I am!)
Yes, I am! 

I can shoot a partridge
With a single cartridge
I can get a sparrow
With a bow and arrow
I can live on bread and cheese
(And only on that?)
Yes!
(So can a rat!) 

Any note you can reach,
I can go higher!
I can sing anything
Higher than you! 

No, you can't! (Yes, I can!)
No, you can't! (Yes, I can!)
No, you can't! (Yes, I can!)
No, you can't! (Yes, I can!)
No, you can't! (Yes, I CAN!) 

Anything you can buy,
I can buy cheaper!
I can buy anything
Cheaper than you! 

Fifty cents? (Forty cents!)
Thirty cents? (Twenty cents!)
No, you can't!(Yes, I can!)
Yes, I can! 

Anything you can say,
I can say softer!
I can say anything
Softer than you! 

No, you can't! (Yes, I can!)
No, you can't! (Yes, I can!)
No, you can't! (Yes, I can!)
YES, I CAN! 

I can drink my liquor
Faster than a flicker!
I can do it quicker
And get even sicker!
I can open any safe
(Without bein' caught?)
Sure!
(That's what I thought, you crook!) 

Any note you can hold,
I can hold longer!
I can hold any note
Longer than you! 

No, you can't! (Yes, I can!)
No, you can't! (Yes, I can!)
No, you can't! (Yes, I can!)
YES, I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I CA-A-A-A-N!
NO, YOU C-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-N'T--
Yes, you ca-a-a-an!

 Anything you can wear,
I can wear better!
In what you wear,
I'd look better than you!

 In my coat? (In your vest!)
In my shoes? (In your hat!)
No, you can't! (Yes, I can!)
Yes, I CAN!

 Anything you say,
I can say faster!
I can say anything
Faster than you! 

No-you-can't! (Yes-I-can!)
No-you-can't! (Yes-I-can!)
No-you-can't! (Yes-I-can!)
YES-I-CAN!

 I can jump a hurdle!
I can wear a girdle!
I can knit a sweater!
I can fill it better!
I can do most anything!
(Can you bake a pie?)
No.
(Neither can I.) 

Anything you can sing,
I can sing sweeter!
I can sing anything
Sweeter than you! 

No, you can't! (Yes, I can!)
No, you can't! (Yes, I can!)
No, you can't! (Yes, I can!)
No, you can't, can't, can't!
Yes, I can, can, can! 

Yes, I can!
No, you can't! 

From Wikipedia: "Anything You Can Do (I Can Do Better)" is a show tune composed by Irving Berlin for the 1946 Broadway musical Annie Get Your Gun. The song is a duet, with one male singer and one female singer attempting to outdo each other in increasingly complex tasks.

 In the musical, the song sets the scene for the climactic sharpshooting contest between Annie Oakley and Frank Butler. The song was first performed by Ethel Merman and Ray Middleton. 

During the song, they argue playfully about who can, for example, sing softer, sing higher, sing sweeter, and hold a note for longer, and boast of their abilities and accomplishments, such as opening safes and living on bread and cheese, although Annie almost always seems to counter Frank's argument. Neither can bake a pie, though. 

My own thoughts: I never really liked "Battles of the Sexes." I think it's ridiculous that each gender should ever feel the need to one-up the other, but on occasion, a little banter between a male and a female can be very amusing. 

If anything, I find this song a perfect fit for Kaylee Drummond and her sister Catherine. Catherine, the biggest brat of the Drummond bunch, all but lives to see Kaylee taken down a peg or two or three. Kaylee hardly ever makes the effort to outshine Catherine, but Catherine still cultivates an unflattering competitive streak. 

So, I can very easily hear Catherine singing, "Anything she can do, I can do better! I should do anything better than her!" 

Growing up, Catherine often put herself through unnecessary public humiliation and even physical discomfort. When Kaylee befriended Prince Troy, that only added a truckload of fuel to Catherine's fire; Catherine tried everything to get Troy's attention (and affection) for herself even after Troy made it plain enough that he saw her for what she really was and harbored zero interest in her. 

For example, Kaylee has a nice singing voice; not quite professional, but at least she can stay on-key. When Catherine tries to show off her own so-called singing talent, Troy tells her she sings just like a bird...a crow on its deathbed, to be exact.

Probably Catherine's funniest and most pathetic antic occurred when she was sixteen and Kaylee was fifteen, roughly two years after Kaylee's royal friendship was kindled. 

Kaylee got very sick that summer. It wasn't enough to require hospitalization but she did miss out on the usual summer trip to Cairbre, Cecily's childhood home by the ocean. Naturally, Catherine was feeling none too sympathetic, and then she had the audacity to get upset when Kaylee's royal friends delivered a huge package full of get-well-soon gifts, including a big box of highly expensive chocolates. 

One day, when Kaylee was out of the room, Catherine stole that box of chocolates for herself. By the time she was found out, every single piece had already been eaten.

Besides Kaylee's protest that she would have gladly shared with Catherine and the other girls if they had just asked, she was truly amazed that her sister had been able to eat that much candy in one sitting. This box held at least five kilos' worth of chocolate, which equates to a little more than eleven pounds. 

Needless to say, Catherine got one heck of a stomachache, and she can hardly bring herself to touch chocolate again afterward. So, her self-inflicted sickness served as her main punishment, although Philip made her buy a replacement box for Kaylee with her own allowance. As I said, those chocolates were the expensive kind, so Catherine also forfeited a month's worth of allowance.

Later, Kaylee is able to look back on this story and laugh, while her friends continue to express amazement at Catherine's little confectionery achievement. Not even Lavinia, the official sweet tooth, could have managed a feat like that. Even Shea was impressed. 

From a glance, anyone can see that Kaylee is better than Catherine by far. The problem is Catherine tries way too hard to convince herself (and prove herself) and her only accomplishment at the end of the day is making an utter fool of herself.